Julia turns one!!!!

365 days of being a freelancer, 365 of being me - what have I learnt? Maybe it is too early to say but here are some gems I have picked up on the way.

(1) Freelancers do need an alarm clock

Someone this year asked me whether I still had an alarm clock!! Unfortunately yes freelancers do need an alarm clock because a day can go just as quickly out of a 9-5 routine, though you can snooze for longer, you can work in your pyjamas and you can watch a lot of Pointless. Then again, who doesn’t like Zander and Richard!!!

(2) Have professional crushes

I wish I could claim this as my own but I was recently in a room of creatively brilliant people and this phase came up in conversation and it is true. Business is about relationships and number of hours you spend with work colleagues, there has to be a professional spark between you. And it isn’t about working with people who think like you, talk like you. It is about being able to respect each other and constructively challenge each other to further advance what you are offering clients. There will always be difficult working times, but when you hit harder times, surround yourself with the people who will be working late with you as well as drinking the champagne with you when success is being celebrated.

(3) Dreams of a clutter free office

No matter how many times you reorganise a room, if you have too much stuff moving furniture around doesn’t change the fact you have too much stuff. My office is a box room off the living room of our flat, it is packed with my interests and my history - some of which needs to live in a black bag.

(4) Remember your own self worth

 I am incredibly lucky to have Chris who supports me every day of my life. During the first three months, he  supported us financially as I wasn’t earning any money. When I did start earning money again; it was an incredible confidence boost because someone puts their trust into you to help them with their business.

(5) Never slam doors

This sounds like something your dad would say, but this is one of the best tips I could give anyone for their career.  No matter how difficult work gets or how much it gets you down; always try to leave a place with a smile on your face and your dignity. This big professional world we work in is very small place and you must always leave with a possible return route. It comes back to point 2, not every situation works out but don’t let one bad situation overcast possibilities in the future. It is okay to learn from the past; it is not okay to let the past control your future. 

(6) Always check the date filter

How to get you blood racing on a Monday morning, by checking a campaign’s data and panicking only to realise your date filter is wrong? It’s okay to increase your heart beat but there are better/more fun ways of doing it.

(7) Planning needs to be your best friend. 

It is fun to float like a butterfly! However, I have realised being carefree needs to be planned; or else you lose time and you find that it is October when your head is in June. Planning gives you control to dance freely in the world.

(8) Be brave

How do you know you can’t do something if you never tried? Reach for the moon and if you don’t quite get there; you are still surrounded by stars.

(9) Slow down and switch off

It is okay to be a tortoise sometimes and take time to appreciate the here and now. Life moves so quickly and one of the hardest things to do is to switch off from the emails, social media and the world around us. Don't tell anyone but it is okay to switch off and recharge. 

(10) Be thankful for every day 

In some respects this has been a very sad year personally as a number of people have entered heaven (some expected/some not) and I know one thing that I didn't want goodbye to any of them. There are also people who I love battling illness and when you watch people suffering, you realise that you have to make life brilliant today because no one knows what is going to hit you tomorrow,

Life is the most precious gift we will ever get and you have to make the most of it every single day because there are no re-runs.

Freelance life - 

1% complete, 

99% of my time is filled with excitement; opportunity; laughter and happiness.

No regrets. 

The shoebox challenge

A couple of weekend ago, I had myself a mini shoebox challenge which instead of being an exercise demonstrating how much clutter I have became more about building a writer's archive.

The prelude to the challenge is that hubby and I are going to be a one flat family come the middle of October as the flat by the race course will be no more. Now just to clarify before someone reads too much into this - we have only been living in one flat, but the second flat has proved itself very useful for keeping duplicate belongings. With this in mind; the nice cupboard under the built-in bookcase has been turned into a tool cupboard and I had to rehouse the variety of shoeboxes that I had kept safety out of eye sight for the last eight years.

Now as you may have guessed the boxes do not continue shoes but a collection of belongings; from postcards to letters and newspaper cuttings that I have collected throughout my life and some of which belonged to other members of my family; which I am safe keeping. As you can see from the photo above it is not a stable tower and when I tried to fit them all in my box room office, within an hour of them being in their new room they collapsed and created a shower of 30 odd years of memories over all the floor. Doing this on a Friday night with alcohol resulted in the scattered memories being left on the floor when I went to bed in a mood and feeling weight down with what to the outside eye appeared to be nothing but clutter.

Saturday came and a brighter mood saw a new challenge - I could get organised so with a tape measure and the trusted iPad I measured up and bought proper archive boxes. The shoe boxes would be no more and it felt fantastic. The original premise for the shoes boxes had been to use them to collect things in; but as collection grew they didn't really hold everything they needed and therefore they ended up being a mess of things of importance in with silly things; which makes it harder to review; harder to sort and harder to throw away things I don't need. When all the shoe boxes collapsed; it felt like a washing pile with a million pair of black socks to pair up and yet by buying new boxes I was able to see all shades of black and remember why they were treasured possessions.

Now at the start of the blog; I said I was building a writer's archive rather than collecting clutter so here's a flavour of ideas that the box bring:

(1) One of the boxes continue scripts, at least three are unpublished works that can be explored and maybe sent to a publisher.

(2) There are 500 + postcards documenting travels around the world and inspiring pictures. What is the line from the song "A picture paints a thousand words.... "

(3) Staying with the postcards; there are some really old postcards that belonged to family members; which can either be used for investigating  family history or understanding the world before World War 2; where signs and symbols had a whole different meanings.

(4) A newspaper archive filled with filed newspaper cuttings ranging from local news about Braco right through to international events on world stage. This box reminded me of the Kate Adie dream I had when I was about 11 and wanted to travel the world writing news.

The lists goes on; there is about a thousand ideas in nine boxes ranging from history to fiction to autobiographical writing. It is all there for me; catalogue and waiting for me for me to get started. I don't think writer's block will be a problem in the new world of freelance!

It is funny none of these belongings are new to me but organising them have brought them back to life and me back to life. It is strange I am building the life I have dreamt about and I am living the life I once only believed only was true in fairy stories.

Fireworks night

Tonight is the festival firework concert in Edinburgh and hubby has gone to bed whilst I watch them with a sleepy cat. I have the number five in my head. Five weeks of work till I become freelance. Life is sweet.

Going freelance and being my own boss has been a dream and plan I have wanted to follow for years. It is not an over night reaction to a busy to do list. It is about following a dream, creating a legacy and actually listening to my gut. Life is about taking chances and making calculated risks. October 2015 will be a new chapter in my life.

Watching fireworks at the end of festival always signals change for me. The bustle and magic of Edinburgh Festival diasappears from the city's skyline and the performers give way to first year students coming to study in Auld Reekie for the first time. That was me twenty years ago coming to Edinburgh to study publishing; swapping Braco's Front Street for Lothian Road. I wouldn't have watched fireworks that year, but I did the week before I got married; in the weeks leading up to leaving the Bank; the list goes on. It is as though September becomes a new year for me and I move forward in new venture.

Five weeks to freelance; five weeks to a blank page and a new chapter.

1st Writer's walk - 12th July 2015

My first writing walk, brought to you by Ernest the Cat who doesn't believe in a Sunday morning lie in, has taken me to the Royal Mile Cafe by the Castle, which is pleasantly empty for a Sunday in July. Mind you it is 11 a.m. in the morning.

The walk started from Polwarth and took me through Gilmore Place, past the King's Theatre, along the meadows and up to the corner where the pub Doctors is. From there, having admired some very pretty summer hats, I walked up George IV Bridge and up to the castle taking in some of Edinburgh's closes that contains the writing museum and the Edinburgh Mill discount shop. I was amazed even with an early morning start how busy the Royal Mile was. I will not be attempting this walk again till at least September.

You are probably thinking, that is very interesting Julia, but why call it a writing walk? Well it is my time to think about my novel when my characters can exercise themselves and I can find places of significance to my fictional world. For example two of my characters, Jeremy and Chloe are having a secret love affair at the start of the novel so they have to have places that are real to meet. It is my technique to try and enhance the words on the place and also to break down the long days of being in front of a keyboard trying to remember things about Edinburgh. I am and perhaps with a renewed focus very serious about getting published and part of this is doing it in a healthy manner and these types of walk just reming me of why writing and finishing this book is so important to me. It is important for everyone to be encourage to follow our passions and not just let them become a dusty hardback on a top shelf of a bookcase.

I know that when I go home most of the afternoon will be spend doing things connected to my day job, but I now know where Chloe and Jeremy meet for dates, where Jeremy will live and feel as though I really enjoyed my walk through Edinburgh. Follow your dreams folks.

A couple of nights ago, I found Little Earthquakes had been re-released as a Deluxe version and without question, I have downloaded it as this one of this is one of my all time favourite albums by any artist. It was originally release in 1992, when I was the tender age of 14 and it was one of those albums where I bought it for two songs, Silent all these years and Winter  and still love every song on it.  There are songs on the album that still make my spine tingle as I remember the teenager I was and the journey of my life between then, when I bought it as a tape cassette to today, having it stored on the itunes cloud. No matter what the format, the music is still as piercing and thought provoking at it was when I first heard it. I have this very vivd memory of being parked in Bridge of Allan, waiting for my dad to get his hair cut and listening to the lyrics of Winter through the car stereo and being enchanted.  I think I  now own nearly all Tori Amos's albums, along with a several hundreds other albums.

It is really hard to remember myself as a 14 year old, I think it was of the first time I was working on a book. The book would eventually get sold around the school to raise money, but that when the writing started. It actually started at age 10, when my New Zealand cousins came over to Scotland and I wrote them into a story about dragons and created my alien from Pluto. Writing was the only thing that made sense to me and as long as I had good music and a pen, I could write you a love poem or a story about horses (I was a totally girl) and it was that simple. Writing was my escape to a world of no boundaries, it became my safety net when I had to face the truth about how ill my mum was and became my therapy when my words were very dark, and eventually I wrote myself back into the light and the world.

And here's to 2014!

Last Tuesday night I sat down; chilled and believing in the Christmas Holidays. I had just finished worked for the festival break and 2014, and rather then sitting there with a glass of red wine and peanuts, I had beside me a glass of water and a banana as I waited for my last personal training session (PT) of the year. It makes me sound very angelic to the ones who weren't with me on the various night outs that December and the build up to Christmas brings.  Having a moment to ponder on the fact 2014 was nearly at its end, I started to think about my year and what it has brought, so here's is my menu of items that had shaped my 2014.

Budapest
No - unfortunately I haven't travelled there. It is the music of George Ezra, that in the later part of the year became  my soundtrack of the year. It is wonderful music and I urge you to listen to him without having a smile on your face. Music is such an important part in my life, there are so many aspects of my life, be it writing, keeping fit, cooking and general chilling out, where music comes into play and George Ezra's voice has hit my soul as he echoes a warmth deep in my heart, which just makes me beam. Also he reminded me how much fun it can be dancing on treadmills. I really don't help myself in the madness department.

Time to say goodbye 
2014 was always going to be a year where death haunted my soul as it is the 20th anniversary of saying goodbye to my mum, and realising that no matter how many years pass, it is always going to be painful to have this amazing life that she helped create and build without her. Many would say that I am an emotional person at times, which I am, but sometimes the void of not having her there can only be filled with tears.  Missing mum was heightened by another great lady losing her fight with cancer during the first six months of the year. Death holds no prisoners. But before everyone stops reading, death also gives a strong message to those living, make the most of your life when you have it because you only have one life on this earth. You can walk with tears in your eyes all you life, or you can walk  using the echoes of heavens as your energy, and though there has been painful parts of this year, I have used these to move forward.

Becoming a wag?
No Chris hasn't become a footballer, that was the reaction that my sister had when I said I had a personal trainer at the gym! In June, two days before the numbers 3 and 7 became my age, I met my trainer for the first time as an attempt to improve my fitness.  Until then I was living under the false allusion that I could find my way to a fitness regime by myself. I was too scared, too stuck in a punishment world of having let myself become unfit, that I had put boundaries on myself on what I could do. Slowly over the last six months, I have felt change in not just myself physical but mentally. There is something more therapeutic about slamming a ball hard on a mat and walking on a treadmill than sitting on the couch stewing over things.  It is definitely pushing my boundaries and challenging my ideas and making me challenge the old ideas of fitness that came off the back of falling in 2010. Advice to anyone trying to create a change in fitness - personal trainers are great and, exercise and healthy eating shouldn't be confuse with punishment.

My glass is never lower than half full
The gym, taking time for myself and writing a bit more has meant that I am probably more positive than I have ever been. Don't get me wrong, I can be an angry, negative person about things but I would like to think that side of me doesn't appear very often. There is too much in life, which is magically and new and sitting here in Edinburgh, I realise how safe I am. I think, and this isn't something to feel bad about, it that it is easy to take for granted what we have in life compared to others. When you look at how people reacted to Black Friday or the Boxing Day sales, I am left with one question, why? At the end of the day it is about being safe and being loved - not about possession or what you didn't get for Christmas. Being part of a loving family, to be loved by an amazing man makes me the wealthiest woman in the world and being able to be content with who I am is one of the most powerful lessons anyone could learn.

Glasgow
Okay I've gone sad, I've gone slushy and the next word on my notepad is Glasgow. Glasgow has been in my mind over Christmas because of the tragedy on its streets. I can't imagine what it must be like for the people who have been affected by it and all I can say is my thoughts and prayers are with you. Glasgow, this year, has shown its warmth and friendly through the hosting of the Commonwealth Games to their compassion due to the unimaginable tragedies that had top and tailed the last 12 months of the city's year. Glasgow for me has always been better miles, a city of friendliness and adventure. I have never been caught in the east/west divide as Braco is in the middle; and going to Glasgow for me is always about a change of step in my life.  Glasgow was also the start of the world's eyes on Scotland and the wee debate about Scotland's independent. Unfortunately, for the campaigners, my vote was always going to be no, but by the time polling day came about I was ready to accept the yes vote had the SNP won. Never fear change and always remember that if you are passionate about something, it is only right to think there is someone else who has the same passion inside of them for the contrasting views. Respect differences even when they are alien to what  you believe in.

(6) Hey Frankie?
After seeing the Ryder Cup safety in the hands of the Europeans again, thoughts moved towards how to mark the 4 decades that my sister had been alive, and I got to play the best role of my life - the naughty little sister. For me, there was never any debate I would use photographs to celebrate her life and I don't think I disappointed her. It is odd to think of us as being the ages we are, but it was fantastic to share so many giggles and stories with her and her friends. Memories can be an odd thing, you can focus so much on the difficult stuff sometimes that you forget the brilliant stuff and looking through our childhood and putting it together filled me with loved and peace. From the outside; people can judge things and headlines can distort things, but from the inside we know what is real and what is real is that we are loved and I hope the people reading this have felt real love because I feel it everyday of my life.

(7) And finally to finish?
There is one question I get asked by many people many times? Some of whom have stopped asking. The question "When are you going to finish the book?"Another year has escaped me, but maybe I needed this year to find a balance inside of me, adjust into being a wife and find myself enjoying exercise again. Perhaps it is all excuses for laziness, I'll leave it to you to decide.  But the annual Edinburgh Book Festival gave us the opportunity to listening to the amazingly funny Francesca Martinez talking about her book "What the F*** is normal", which is a journey of her own life of how she became a comic and how she shed the label of cerebral palsy in favour of wobbly. Have just finished reading her book, it has been enlightening for me and the idea of taking chances has been ignited in me; and I am out of excuses to why I am not pursing my writing so watch this in 2015 as it is going to be interesting.

So as we all head towards the parties to celebrate in the 2015, all I have to offer in Julia's wisdom is be yourself, believe in yourself and take the time to be yourself in the company of others, who you love and love you. Waste less time worrying and more time taking leaps of faith. Always reach for the moon as even if you don't get there you will be surrounded by stars!

Flying on the treadmill

Okay it is an odd thing to love, most people see a treadmill as the end of the day chore and yes there is a part of me who wants just to go home for a cup of tea. In fact tonight, I nearly flatlined at 5 mins, but managed a cool thirty minutes. I even managed to fly for about 3 minutes (no hands holding on, which with my balance and having watched someone fall off a treadmill last mouth is no mean feet). I love the freedom of powering on  a treadmill as my mind can write in the energy of exercise. I try keep enough focus so I don't slide off, but my head isn't in the gym, it is 

dreaming of a world that I am standing in and loving life.  I feel that the treadmill is like a magic carpet, it can take me deep into my prose and the world of my characters, it can allow me to work out frustrations of a day but I always leave happier! I think it is because I channel the inner part of me who is motivated by straightforward goals. I have shared this piece before but here it is again.

Finding my feet

There is no colour. Clinical white surrounds me and that smell, it reminds me of mummy trying to clean up after I have been sick. The trouble is that smell always makes me feel sick again. Another thing I cannot escape from is the heat. It feels as though the sun is right above us. Mummy has already taken off my jumper and I wish she would take of my shoes. I hate wearing shoes, if nature wanted us in shoes, shouldn't we have been born with them on?

The group of adults is back again with notepads and pens. They don't allow me to draw - only them. There is an older man with a white beard and glasses - a bit like Father Christmas in disguise. He is busy talking to my mummy and two other ladies in white tops and dark trousers. It is odd to have an auidence when you are only three years old.

They want me to do the same as last week; to walk between the bars from one end to the next. I have not managed it yet so why should this time be any different? Mummy places me at one end and kisses me. No words of encouragement though can make me walk.

I can't do this. I stand there thinking that the end of the bars look as far away as the view of the hills from the kitchen window. My knees are still bruised from last week's try. I look back at my mum, her sweet smiles makes me want to crawl into her arms.

Suddenly, images of my friends appear, all running around the garden and me limited in my actions. If I did walk, I could play with my friends. No longer bound to the red & white push chair. I could be one of them, part of the gang, not stuck in the sand.

I take each of the bars in my hands. My palms are sweating already and I have to grip like a vice to not lose my hold. My legs feel unconnected to the rest of me. Come on brain, keeping the messages pumping through my legs, they are counting on you.

Heels down and then the toes. My first few steps are awkward. Each time I move one foot, I shake all over. All my concentration is being kept on where my feet are going. Any normal person would only feel this way I do now if they were standing on a boat during a storm. I sway to each side constantly. My audience is holding their breath and the plasters for when I go bump on the ground. Whatever they are feeling, I need all my focus to be on my legs and feet. I have only taken five steps and I already want to be at home eating ice-cream. What is so important about walking anyway?

My thoughts of vanilla ice-cream have distracted me and I stumble again. It's beginning to feel like any other Thursday. Time to bruise my poor little knees again. As I feel myself falling, I catch in the edge of my vision the end of the bars. Surprisingly, they are incredibly close, not out of reach. My focus comes back. I stop myself from falling. I keep going heel, toe, heel toe to reach the end of my first solo walk. But it is not enough when I get there so I turn myself around and walk back. Finding my feet are strong enough to carry me means I have stated my own walk to my personal freedom. Now, if I could just learn to talk properly there will be no stopping me.

It is as think in a world that can become over complicated with things, it good to enjoy simply things and remember that sometimes it is the simple pleasures that can lead to us to achieve our greatest dreams. And while I dream on the treadmill, I am also realising that my fitness, which I once thought I had lost forever, is coming back and that makes me want to roar!