Last Tuesday night I sat down; chilled and believing in the Christmas Holidays. I had just finished worked for the festival break and 2014, and rather then sitting there with a glass of red wine and peanuts, I had beside me a glass of water and a banana as I waited for my last personal training session (PT) of the year. It makes me sound very angelic to the ones who weren't with me on the various night outs that December and the build up to Christmas brings. Having a moment to ponder on the fact 2014 was nearly at its end, I started to think about my year and what it has brought, so here's is my menu of items that had shaped my 2014.
Budapest
No - unfortunately I haven't travelled there. It is the music of George Ezra, that in the later part of the year became my soundtrack of the year. It is wonderful music and I urge you to listen to him without having a smile on your face. Music is such an important part in my life, there are so many aspects of my life, be it writing, keeping fit, cooking and general chilling out, where music comes into play and George Ezra's voice has hit my soul as he echoes a warmth deep in my heart, which just makes me beam. Also he reminded me how much fun it can be dancing on treadmills. I really don't help myself in the madness department.
Time to say goodbye
2014 was always going to be a year where death haunted my soul as it is the 20th anniversary of saying goodbye to my mum, and realising that no matter how many years pass, it is always going to be painful to have this amazing life that she helped create and build without her. Many would say that I am an emotional person at times, which I am, but sometimes the void of not having her there can only be filled with tears. Missing mum was heightened by another great lady losing her fight with cancer during the first six months of the year. Death holds no prisoners. But before everyone stops reading, death also gives a strong message to those living, make the most of your life when you have it because you only have one life on this earth. You can walk with tears in your eyes all you life, or you can walk using the echoes of heavens as your energy, and though there has been painful parts of this year, I have used these to move forward.
Becoming a wag?
No Chris hasn't become a footballer, that was the reaction that my sister had when I said I had a personal trainer at the gym! In June, two days before the numbers 3 and 7 became my age, I met my trainer for the first time as an attempt to improve my fitness. Until then I was living under the false allusion that I could find my way to a fitness regime by myself. I was too scared, too stuck in a punishment world of having let myself become unfit, that I had put boundaries on myself on what I could do. Slowly over the last six months, I have felt change in not just myself physical but mentally. There is something more therapeutic about slamming a ball hard on a mat and walking on a treadmill than sitting on the couch stewing over things. It is definitely pushing my boundaries and challenging my ideas and making me challenge the old ideas of fitness that came off the back of falling in 2010. Advice to anyone trying to create a change in fitness - personal trainers are great and, exercise and healthy eating shouldn't be confuse with punishment.
My glass is never lower than half full
The gym, taking time for myself and writing a bit more has meant that I am probably more positive than I have ever been. Don't get me wrong, I can be an angry, negative person about things but I would like to think that side of me doesn't appear very often. There is too much in life, which is magically and new and sitting here in Edinburgh, I realise how safe I am. I think, and this isn't something to feel bad about, it that it is easy to take for granted what we have in life compared to others. When you look at how people reacted to Black Friday or the Boxing Day sales, I am left with one question, why? At the end of the day it is about being safe and being loved - not about possession or what you didn't get for Christmas. Being part of a loving family, to be loved by an amazing man makes me the wealthiest woman in the world and being able to be content with who I am is one of the most powerful lessons anyone could learn.
Glasgow
Okay I've gone sad, I've gone slushy and the next word on my notepad is Glasgow. Glasgow has been in my mind over Christmas because of the tragedy on its streets. I can't imagine what it must be like for the people who have been affected by it and all I can say is my thoughts and prayers are with you. Glasgow, this year, has shown its warmth and friendly through the hosting of the Commonwealth Games to their compassion due to the unimaginable tragedies that had top and tailed the last 12 months of the city's year. Glasgow for me has always been better miles, a city of friendliness and adventure. I have never been caught in the east/west divide as Braco is in the middle; and going to Glasgow for me is always about a change of step in my life. Glasgow was also the start of the world's eyes on Scotland and the wee debate about Scotland's independent. Unfortunately, for the campaigners, my vote was always going to be no, but by the time polling day came about I was ready to accept the yes vote had the SNP won. Never fear change and always remember that if you are passionate about something, it is only right to think there is someone else who has the same passion inside of them for the contrasting views. Respect differences even when they are alien to what you believe in.
(6) Hey Frankie?
After seeing the Ryder Cup safety in the hands of the Europeans again, thoughts moved towards how to mark the 4 decades that my sister had been alive, and I got to play the best role of my life - the naughty little sister. For me, there was never any debate I would use photographs to celebrate her life and I don't think I disappointed her. It is odd to think of us as being the ages we are, but it was fantastic to share so many giggles and stories with her and her friends. Memories can be an odd thing, you can focus so much on the difficult stuff sometimes that you forget the brilliant stuff and looking through our childhood and putting it together filled me with loved and peace. From the outside; people can judge things and headlines can distort things, but from the inside we know what is real and what is real is that we are loved and I hope the people reading this have felt real love because I feel it everyday of my life.
(7) And finally to finish?
There is one question I get asked by many people many times? Some of whom have stopped asking. The question "When are you going to finish the book?"Another year has escaped me, but maybe I needed this year to find a balance inside of me, adjust into being a wife and find myself enjoying exercise again. Perhaps it is all excuses for laziness, I'll leave it to you to decide. But the annual Edinburgh Book Festival gave us the opportunity to listening to the amazingly funny Francesca Martinez talking about her book "What the F*** is normal", which is a journey of her own life of how she became a comic and how she shed the label of cerebral palsy in favour of wobbly. Have just finished reading her book, it has been enlightening for me and the idea of taking chances has been ignited in me; and I am out of excuses to why I am not pursing my writing so watch this in 2015 as it is going to be interesting.
So as we all head towards the parties to celebrate in the 2015, all I have to offer in Julia's wisdom is be yourself, believe in yourself and take the time to be yourself in the company of others, who you love and love you. Waste less time worrying and more time taking leaps of faith. Always reach for the moon as even if you don't get there you will be surrounded by stars!
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