The number 18, it is the age you officially become an adult and start taking responsibility for yourself. I suppose this weekend I am thinking about an event that changed my life and my family life forever.
How do I feel about it? It still doesn't make sense and I think I realise now that something like that will never make sense of. But it how we use the most painful points in your life and turn them from thunderous rain clouds to wonderful sunsets. It is finding that place in your life where you are happy. I think we sometimes miss that - we run around looking for our dreams and pushing ourselves for successful, that sometimes we forget to be happy in the here and now.
And today, tonight, I would like to say I am happy with my life. Yes, I have dreams, ambitions of becoming published, but if I was asked about the here and now, yes I am very happy.
My happiness comes from my friends and family who are around me, who support me and accept me for who I am. Even though I am really bad at communicating with everyone at times. It funny, the most valuable things in life, friends, happiness can often be the things we forget to measure when we are looking for things to moan about (not that I ever moan!)
So maybe the fact 18 years have by isn't something to feel blue about, and whilst I can't say I won't shed a tear or two, there will be a major part by being happy in life, is the best way to cope with the number 18.
Thursday, 26 January 2012
Tuesday, 17 January 2012
What the Dickens?
Okay, so it has been slightly over a week since I last blogged, but I have heard that there are some people who are reading this so tonight, this is for you.
Last week, I watched a programme on Charles Dickens on film and how many of his stories have been adapted to the big screen or turned into BBC dramas. It made me feel a wee bit in awe of Dickens. Characters like Pip, Oliver Twist and David Copperfield - all characters of Dicken's imagination are now household names and fictional characters that the public have grown to love. Oh to have an imagination that can span generations.
If, like me, you studied Dickens at high school, you may have read an abridge version of the original novel or just seen the BBC series, then I'll give you all a challenge to read a Dickens Novel, because they are rich in words and storytelling. I went back to read Oliver Twist a couple of years ago, and despite of all the version of Oliver that I have read or seen on television, there was still something magically about reading the original prose, and seeing his characters jump out at you.
Then I got to thinking about characterization. I would say that my novel is very character led and half the debating going on in my novel is about the characters and whether they are true to life. It is difficult for a writer when creating character because your characters can do anything they want but in the essence of writing characters have to be true to themselves or they become fake and readers can pick this up. I think one of the endurance of Dickens is because the characters work so well and they are believable. I would be one happy lady if I could create one character that has the power and recognition of one of Dicken's characters. And do you know the most impressive thing about it - all these characters came from one person's imagination.
Perhaps, you don't find that magical and you may think me mad for thinking it is. But I was listening to someone talk about creativity and how important it is to do something creative, because it is part of human expression and it can let out happiness within people. Words, pictures and music can change the world.
I'm going to leave it there for tonight, because I am sure sleep helps creativity as well, but I'll leave you with two gems;
(1) It is Boxer Family Folklore that a Great Granny in one of the generations was partly used for inspiration for one of the characters in the Pickwick Paper. I would like to think this is true, but I know that there are probably a number of families with similar stories.
(2) A Dicken's quote from Great Expectations, Chapter 3. "I had seen the damp lying on the outside of my little window, as if some goblin had been crying there all night, and using the window for a pocket-handkerchief." Simply lovely.
Good night.
Last week, I watched a programme on Charles Dickens on film and how many of his stories have been adapted to the big screen or turned into BBC dramas. It made me feel a wee bit in awe of Dickens. Characters like Pip, Oliver Twist and David Copperfield - all characters of Dicken's imagination are now household names and fictional characters that the public have grown to love. Oh to have an imagination that can span generations.
If, like me, you studied Dickens at high school, you may have read an abridge version of the original novel or just seen the BBC series, then I'll give you all a challenge to read a Dickens Novel, because they are rich in words and storytelling. I went back to read Oliver Twist a couple of years ago, and despite of all the version of Oliver that I have read or seen on television, there was still something magically about reading the original prose, and seeing his characters jump out at you.
Then I got to thinking about characterization. I would say that my novel is very character led and half the debating going on in my novel is about the characters and whether they are true to life. It is difficult for a writer when creating character because your characters can do anything they want but in the essence of writing characters have to be true to themselves or they become fake and readers can pick this up. I think one of the endurance of Dickens is because the characters work so well and they are believable. I would be one happy lady if I could create one character that has the power and recognition of one of Dicken's characters. And do you know the most impressive thing about it - all these characters came from one person's imagination.
Perhaps, you don't find that magical and you may think me mad for thinking it is. But I was listening to someone talk about creativity and how important it is to do something creative, because it is part of human expression and it can let out happiness within people. Words, pictures and music can change the world.
I'm going to leave it there for tonight, because I am sure sleep helps creativity as well, but I'll leave you with two gems;
(1) It is Boxer Family Folklore that a Great Granny in one of the generations was partly used for inspiration for one of the characters in the Pickwick Paper. I would like to think this is true, but I know that there are probably a number of families with similar stories.
(2) A Dicken's quote from Great Expectations, Chapter 3. "I had seen the damp lying on the outside of my little window, as if some goblin had been crying there all night, and using the window for a pocket-handkerchief." Simply lovely.
Good night.
Friday, 6 January 2012
2012 - a year to be a little bit braver
Happy new year folks - yes I do remember how to write.
Somehow we have got back to January again and there is no new best seller by Julia C. Boxer on the shelves. Somewhere along the line, I have let six years come between finishing the first draft and doing the rewrite. Yes I coughed somewhere, lost some confidence and didn't really believe in how to finish the book. Do I know how to now? What has changed?
Can I finish my book? Yes! And although I don't know whether it will ever be published, there would be something deeply important to actually not look at the piles of paper in the flat and think, if only if I change this/that then it would be finished. Boyfriend thinks I should send it off, but there is nothing worst for me than thinking that something was right and to be honest, there are some gaps and jumps in the prose that don't make sense even to me. There is a part of me who thinks that after all this time perhaps I should just rip it all up and start again - new year 2013 - we could just have a big bonfire on Arthur's Seat. Tempting??
Okay, I am not being serious, there would be nothing worst, and even if I shredded every last page, the words would still be burning in my soul and I would be tortured by my own stupidity! I know it is down to confidence and putting yourself out there. It is about turning over the new leaf and believing in yourself and your ability to achieve what burns in your soul on the list of achievements you want to have to your name. And this nicely, links into the new year, how many people out there has set new year resolutions, only to have broken then in day sixth of the year?
That is the trouble with new year resolutions - we party up until the 3rd of January and then on the 4th we deny ourselves everything as way of punishing ourselves for enjoying ourselves. Why? New year resolutions should be seen as positive goals for the year that inspire in January, one of the longest and darkest months of the year. Let change resolutions to goals for an exciting year, and if this year is anything like past years the ones, then it is going to be a whirlwind 366 days! For me, I don't know what this year is going to be like (I've been told it will be filled with surprises), but I am going to live by the three B's - I'm going to be braver, going to believe in myself more and I am going to live brightly in the hope that I can bring brightness to all those I care about! And just maybe Christmas 2012 will bring about a finish book! Okay, lets not get carried away.
Somehow we have got back to January again and there is no new best seller by Julia C. Boxer on the shelves. Somewhere along the line, I have let six years come between finishing the first draft and doing the rewrite. Yes I coughed somewhere, lost some confidence and didn't really believe in how to finish the book. Do I know how to now? What has changed?
Can I finish my book? Yes! And although I don't know whether it will ever be published, there would be something deeply important to actually not look at the piles of paper in the flat and think, if only if I change this/that then it would be finished. Boyfriend thinks I should send it off, but there is nothing worst for me than thinking that something was right and to be honest, there are some gaps and jumps in the prose that don't make sense even to me. There is a part of me who thinks that after all this time perhaps I should just rip it all up and start again - new year 2013 - we could just have a big bonfire on Arthur's Seat. Tempting??
Okay, I am not being serious, there would be nothing worst, and even if I shredded every last page, the words would still be burning in my soul and I would be tortured by my own stupidity! I know it is down to confidence and putting yourself out there. It is about turning over the new leaf and believing in yourself and your ability to achieve what burns in your soul on the list of achievements you want to have to your name. And this nicely, links into the new year, how many people out there has set new year resolutions, only to have broken then in day sixth of the year?
That is the trouble with new year resolutions - we party up until the 3rd of January and then on the 4th we deny ourselves everything as way of punishing ourselves for enjoying ourselves. Why? New year resolutions should be seen as positive goals for the year that inspire in January, one of the longest and darkest months of the year. Let change resolutions to goals for an exciting year, and if this year is anything like past years the ones, then it is going to be a whirlwind 366 days! For me, I don't know what this year is going to be like (I've been told it will be filled with surprises), but I am going to live by the three B's - I'm going to be braver, going to believe in myself more and I am going to live brightly in the hope that I can bring brightness to all those I care about! And just maybe Christmas 2012 will bring about a finish book! Okay, lets not get carried away.
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